Living in the Past

I never thought it would happen, but alas it has. The regret of middle-age. All our bad decisions brought to the forefront. Currently I feel as if I’m going through the “stages of death,” and this is just the manifestation of the “stages of life.” Love’s you missed out on – careers or family’s that you let go by.

I’ve been having little daydreams about what I’d change if I could go back. And if given a magic wand – what year and age would you go back to & how would you do it differently? College, High School – grade school! or perhaps only 10 years ago before a bankruptcy or divorce. Would you trade in your high-speed internet for dial up or a rotary phone, if you could get another chance?

It’s kind of a fun game to play, as long as you don’t stay in the space of regret to long and remember you wouldn’t be the person currently had you not have gone through all your trials & tribulations. Which could be a good or bad thing (who knows – you might be a downright bastard right now!).

So for those that like to look at the past fondly, I found this online station It’s a UK website so some video may not work unless you’re using a VPN, but the “watch now,” works here in the states.

So have fun. Visualized, change some decisions and see what happens. It doesn’t hurt to daydream…and you just might learn something from it.

–  Kate


I’m letting you In – so you best WAVE…you dick!

I’m a super courteous driver – well, most of the time. But one thing I NEVER fail to do, is give a nice “thank you,” wave when you let my super plain, Silver Nissan Altima in front of you. Gaining me, “perhaps,” a crucial 10 seconds of traffic time. And who doesn’t love getting that acknowledgment from a complete stranger. That “hey – I did something good today!” Don’t deny it – you know you secretly smile when it happens.

But currently I live in the city of “Hipster Hell & High-tech,” which basically equals Aspergers. Don’t get me wrong, I love Hipsters as much as any other (I was once one myself), but please take a “how to interact with humans class.” You’re aloof’ness & inability to say, “thank you,” is not appreciated.But it’s not only those of a “skinny jean & rockabilly type.” Soccer Mom’s on cell phones (bad driver!) & 50’something erectile dysfunctional men, seem to be of the “not waving,” type. How do I know they have “erectile dysfunction?” Porsche’s & Beemers seem to be the calling cards.

So next time you need to change lanes, give you’re fellow motorist friendly wave when they let you in. You’ll make strangers day much better 😉

– Kate


My sh%# don’t stink…literally!

One of the weird side-effects of taking massive doses of antibiotics is…your shit don’t stink – literally. I guess I never noticed the times I’ve been on them before – or perhaps I’ve never had so much at one time. Which is basically a testament to how – even now, when they say antibiotics are not as effective – they can kill off just about “anything,” living in your gut.

I know this might be “TMI,” but I gotta say – I’m loving this part. I can go into any restroom and never have to worry that the next entrant will pass out. It’s one of the happy side effects of my innards exploding.

I’m happy to say, I finally get to meet with the surgeon on Friday to schedule my appendix and cyst removal surgery. Can’t wait to have this all done. To roto-rooter my second chakra & perhaps get a new start in my middle-age’ness.

…a girl can only dream but until then know this…My “shit,” REALLY don’t stink 😉

– Kate


Cry for Help

It’s been a rough ride lately. Trips to the hospital, work going to part-time, car on the brink of failure, and singleness. I have no idea how I got here & at the same time “clearly see,” the wrong choices I’ve made on the way.

Is this what they call a, “midlife crisis?” Pre-menopause? Clinical Depression?

I have no clue. All I know is I feel awful & alone. Despite all the support I’ve had from my family, neighbors, friends & community, I still feel very alone. Longing for someone to hold my hand & kiss my forehead. Telling me it will be alright.

…I’d love to say it’s hormones & just may well be (they found a golf ball sized cyst on my ovaries that also needs to come out) but I have so much sympathy for people who have a battled this feeling of depression all their lives. I hope God hears your prayers and hears your soul.

All I know is I heard this song in the grocery store tonight & it took all my might to keep it together through the check-out line. For all those who are battling a, “Cry for Help.”

You have my prayers – Kate

Say goodbye to my little friend…

I’ve been a secret smoker most of my life. The past 29 years to be exact. But these last 3-4 weeks, with the aid of 2 emergency room visits & one 5 day hospital stay, I’ve finally kicked the habit. Not because it’s bad for my health – mind you, if I could have a cigarette without the thought of nausea coming over me, I’d be like Johnny Depp, sporting 2 instead of just one smoke. But after the appendicitis, my body chemistry has changed and I just can’t do it.

I hate saying good-bye to my little friend. He’s been there through thick and thin. Through crappy boyfriends, good times, boredom & the lot. He was there through traffic jams & random thoughts and dreams. Never judging – just being.

It was easy at first but approaching the month mark it’s getting a bit hard.  A friendship that’s reached it’s end date. It makes me sad to say goodbye to the one thing that’s been there through it all & never judged but always stood by me. Who’s only sin is bringing me closer to my “due,” date.

So with that, I must say goodbye – to my little friend…you’ll be missed.

– Kate


…that’s where I’ve been for the last year! Oh so much has happened & also so little. Most currently I literally “busted a gut,” my gut – or appendix, I should say. Oh what a beautiful feeling. They say the pain is equivalent to that of childbirth…I don’t know about childbirth but it damn hurt.


Let’s see, what else? My bi-polar ex-boyfriend got married, in which case I was pretty excited because it meant he wouldn’t be text bombing me at all hours….at least not for the first two years or so.

Oh – my job went to part-time, so basically I’m making the same salary I did in 1992. I’ve become the middle age average – which is about a size 14 (and 30 lbs heavier than I want to be). And I’m currently sporting one of the worse haircuts I’ve had in the last 30 years.

Ah – life is grand. I’m a bit scared to write, “what does 2014 hold for me?” So far it’s been a mixed bag. I look back at my first blog post and what my astrologer said about, “everything changing by the time I’m 45.” Well, I’m 45…and I’m not sure if I dig the changes.

– Kate

Heaven looks to me like a Roller Skating Rink

There’s many thoughts of what happens to you when you die. Some think, “I’m dead – I’m buried – I’m in the ground.” End of story. I’d like to think you go back to some of the most happy times in your life.

That for me – would be the local Roller Rink. Many a weekend from the 5th grade on, that’s where you’d find me. I lived for skating. I saved my paper route money so I could by my first pair of skates which came from Sears. More money to replace the wheels – White lightnings.

Then, after much savings & what seemed like a very long layaway plan, my first pair of speed skates. Riedell Boots – Century Plates & Black Labeta Wheels. Never was a girl more proud…or broke! $200 was a lot back in 1980.

Reverse skate, shooting the duck, speed races, couples only – yes, those were glorious time.

Yes, I’d like to think I get to spend a couple of decades there before I move on to what’s next…

…especially if I gotta come back here 😉

– Kate

I forgot how sweet, “SWEET,” is!

My dear friends own the local waterhole in my neighborhood which also dawns some mean karaoke. In between sets, my friend Shaun – the DJ & another friend James, have put together the most “killer,” playlist. Songs that bring me back to being a little kid riding in back of my parents car on a Sunday outing or taking a few laps at the local roller rink.

…especially this one. Look at all that glorious 70’s hair! Super tight polyester flairs – we even got some bedazzling going on.

Oh, how sweet, “SWEET,” is.


P.S. I especially like how they flash the address at around 2:10. Remember when you could write and join Fan Clubs? I do 🙂

Interviews: You’re either full of it – or a sociopath

I had my first interview since 2001 the other day & let me tell ya, boy have things changed.

Hell, my last job was just given to me. And the one in 2001, 5-10 min. max for my interview. Now granted I’m not some executive tycoon demanding a 6-figure salary, but there is some knowledge that’s needed in the positions I’ve held. Especially my current one, which is all about audio. But it’s a small company,  it’s time to improve my skill set and no matter how much I love the position, I’m sick of wondering if my check is going to bounce.

I interviewed for a good old fashion sales position. With a traditional company’s way of interviewing. ” Throw all questions out there, give me examples, what’s your track record, I’m a Nazi, going to tear you down, build you back up again – blah blah blah.”  So exhausting. But I guess I held up. What was slated for 45 min. ended up being an hour and a half. I really wanted it – it’s nearly double my pay and well, you can pretty much write your paycheck.

…but that was yesterday.

The more I think about it, the more I think, “will I really be better in the long run?” It’s traditional sales…nothing tech or innovative about that. Granted the product line is kinda steller & the money is great but am I just taking one step back into the past in an industry I could kinda care less about anymore?

I’d say it’s a 50/50 call on how good I did. Some hits & misses. Personally, when you walk in, I know if I’m going to hire you.  I may or may not ask you a question from your past work. You can see in someone’s eyes whether “they’re in or they’re out.” One sentence tells me whether you play well with others or not. How big your ego is, or humble you are. Saying your weakness is really a positive? Please! No, really – I want to know what is so we can work on it.

I’m kinda praying some hot-shot sales person comes in from another territory & get’s it but you know how things work. Once you say “screw it!” it comes to you. In which case I’ll have to decide, “shall I go to the past with a bigger paycheck or shall I jump into the future without a safety net?”

One thing I do know is those interview questions are bullshit. Either you’re just full of shit & telling me what you think I want to hear…

…or you’re a sociopath.

– Kate




…for juuuuussst a little bit longer. But I shall be returning soon. One thing I can say is, “I’m sure glad 2013 is here & the Mayans were wrong. But really, who’s gonna believe a race that made sport out of sacrificing their own kind…

– Kate

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