Opening up my FB page this morning, I was reminded of all the “douchers” I’ve dated. Mainly because one of the King’s of “douchbaggery,” had change his profile picture to that of a, “Jason Bourne wannbe,” and it was staring me in my newsfeed all “grainy black & white film noire looking,”… God, I secretly hate that dude.
I say secretly because we never really had a blow-out break-up. No “assholery,” domestic violence or money laundering involved. No, it just fizzled out. One missed text, he’s in a meeting. Two missed texts, hmmm (don’t over react Kate quite yet) but three – I get it. “You’re just not that into me anymore.” Unfortunately we run into each other often at events, so we are civilized with exchanging pleasantries. But you’d have to be “dense” not see the way things ended really “bugs me.”
It seems to me the break-ups that “bug us” the most are not necessarily “the loves of our lives.” Big Loves, change us forever in different ways. I’m talking about the ones the, “BUG,” us – that get under our skin in different ways. The ones that cause involuntary reactions like throw things at our computer screen or screaming obscenities out loud. The ones that you obsessively go, “WTF!” Yes, the ones you ask yourself, “Why the hell do I even care?”
You care because you picked them…and nobody likes to bet on a losing horse. For whatever reason, you placed a good chunk of your savings on this “long shot,” and expected him to come out a winner. You can make up all kinds of excuses for their behavior and to save face, “it’s because it wasn’t the right time, he just got out of a bad break-up, blah blah blah blah blah blah!” Oh – wait, “it’s Karma!” (yeah – that’s a good excuse for a poor choice), but in the end, we picked ’em & stayed longer than the relationships “due by date.”
So – the question – “Is it better to burnout or fade away?” Personally, I prefer the burnout or I should say “blowout.” Not 4th of July fireworks, just that last conversation that says, “yeah – we’re done. Nice knowing you.” Fading away is the cowards way out. It’s the, “I don’t think enough of you to let you go on AND I may change my mind in a few months, years – who knows, I can’t make a decision.” I tried to induce “blowout” with the above relationship but that’s hard to do when the other party just ignores the situation & prays that it will go away. Plus I’m not very good at stalking (well – maybe silently cyber stalking 😉 ) so I went with the fade.
That being said, I’m sure there’s someone out there (or a couple dozen) from my past that I induce the same “involuntary turrets” reaction when they see me out at an event or gathering.
But Hey, if we went on two “Match Dates,” that don’t count ….
(photo from the movie, “The Break-Up”)