Category Archives: Health

My sh%# don’t stink…literally!

One of the weird side-effects of taking massive doses of antibiotics is…your shit don’t stink – literally. I guess I never noticed the times I’ve been on them before – or perhaps I’ve never had so much at one time. Which is basically a testament to how – even now, when they say antibiotics are not as effective – they can kill off just about “anything,” living in your gut.

I know this might be “TMI,” but I gotta say – I’m loving this part. I can go into any restroom and never have to worry that the next entrant will pass out. It’s one of the happy side effects of my innards exploding.

I’m happy to say, I finally get to meet with the surgeon on Friday to schedule my appendix and cyst removal surgery. Can’t wait to have this all done. To roto-rooter my second chakra & perhaps get a new start in my middle-age’ness.

…a girl can only dream but until then know this…My “shit,” REALLY don’t stink 😉

– Kate



Cry for Help

It’s been a rough ride lately. Trips to the hospital, work going to part-time, car on the brink of failure, and singleness. I have no idea how I got here & at the same time “clearly see,” the wrong choices I’ve made on the way.

Is this what they call a, “midlife crisis?” Pre-menopause? Clinical Depression?

I have no clue. All I know is I feel awful & alone. Despite all the support I’ve had from my family, neighbors, friends & community, I still feel very alone. Longing for someone to hold my hand & kiss my forehead. Telling me it will be alright.

…I’d love to say it’s hormones & just may well be (they found a golf ball sized cyst on my ovaries that also needs to come out) but I have so much sympathy for people who have a battled this feeling of depression all their lives. I hope God hears your prayers and hears your soul.

All I know is I heard this song in the grocery store tonight & it took all my might to keep it together through the check-out line. For all those who are battling a, “Cry for Help.”

You have my prayers – Kate

Say goodbye to my little friend…

I’ve been a secret smoker most of my life. The past 29 years to be exact. But these last 3-4 weeks, with the aid of 2 emergency room visits & one 5 day hospital stay, I’ve finally kicked the habit. Not because it’s bad for my health – mind you, if I could have a cigarette without the thought of nausea coming over me, I’d be like Johnny Depp, sporting 2 instead of just one smoke. But after the appendicitis, my body chemistry has changed and I just can’t do it.

I hate saying good-bye to my little friend. He’s been there through thick and thin. Through crappy boyfriends, good times, boredom & the lot. He was there through traffic jams & random thoughts and dreams. Never judging – just being.

It was easy at first but approaching the month mark it’s getting a bit hard.  A friendship that’s reached it’s end date. It makes me sad to say goodbye to the one thing that’s been there through it all & never judged but always stood by me. Who’s only sin is bringing me closer to my “due,” date.

So with that, I must say goodbye – to my little friend…you’ll be missed.

– Kate

Colds are such B.S.

I’ve been M.I.A lately.  Mostly because I’ve been super busy with side gigs. And we all know if we’re going full tilt for long it’s bound to bite you, usually in the form of an annoying “cold.” 

“Colds,” seriously blow!  Basically because they don’t take you out in the form of  a full assault – like the flu, but instead annoy, like a miniature toy poodle trying to hump you leg.

It’s not really bad enough to warrant staying home from work but lame enough make you miserable while your there just watching the time tick by.


We try to kick the dog off by applying everything from home remedies, mega vitamin C doses, Echinacea (pleeezzzz – this one NEVER works),  to the tried & true, coma & freaky dream inducing, NyQuil.

…I’m a NyQuil kinda gal.

So this weekend I look forward to the following routine:

shot of N, chick-flick, sleep, wake-up, shot of N, comedy, sleep, wake-up, maybe eat?, shot of N…I should probably throw a bathroom break in there somewhere, scary movie, sleep…etc. 

– Kate


Please eat some Carbs because your breath stinks!

Everyday there’s some new fangled diet designed to help you loose weight quickly, make your bank account increase immensely & bring in the love of your life. I myself may even try all or none of these depending on my mood and hey, who doesn’t want all of the above.

But the one you’ll never catch me trying is the low-carb, no-carb, slow carb diets. Why…’cause your breath stinks. And depending the degree, everything else about you does too.

I have many a friend who have tried or are currently on some kind of restricted carb thing and I have to tell you, it’s hard to carry a conversation with them. Mostly because of the weird sour-metallic thing they got going on (aka – ketosis). Then my thoughts go to the evil. “How can your husband kiss you?” Worse are the ones when you’re standing in the latte line & your next to someone hard-core & that smell radiates out of their pores.

Believe me, I understand the need to want loose some lbs. & feel great. Especially fast & that diet does do it pretty lickedy split – but not enough for me to induce “low-carb stinkiness,”  and the ability to make my friends pass-out on site.

So to all the people who like to take things the extreme, moderation & exercise, knowing what foods no longer work with your system & putting that In & Out burger down should work.

And if that doesn’t…you can always stick your finger down your throat. But to quote Heather Chandler to Heather Duke, “Grow up Heather, bulimia is sooooo ’87.”

– Kate

What to do when your stuck in the middle and have Crappy Insurance?

It is with heavy heart & tears in my eyes that I write this post. I wanted this blog to be funny little snippets of my life. Nothing to heavy. Nor did I want it to be a bitch-fest for first-world-problems (wait – isn’t that most blogs). But life seems to throw you a curve ball when you least expect it.

Up until the end of January 2009, I took my health insurance for granted. I had always worked for corporations and was covered. But that January I was one of the casualties, like so many others, of the economic crisis & was laid-off from a job I loved dearly. Myself & hundreds of others from my company were given our severance packages & sent on our way. I seriously feel like I’ve been in a panic ever since.

The severance package was quickly gone replacing all electronics that were previously provided by my former employer, paying off debts and still paying the rent & all the bills with unemployment checks that were half of my salary. Oh, and with the stock market crashing, my 401k was virtually none existent.

I didn’t know where I was going to find a job at my salary or benefits. I had worked hard to get where I was AND had never “not” had a job since my first one, as a paper girl in the 5th grade. But finally at the end of 2009, and down to my last dollars, I got a new gig…with a small company that doesn’t offer health insurance.

“That’s fine – I’ve been paying for my own for the last 9 months,” I thought. But you realize quickly the difference between a $250 deductible & a $3000 deductible. And all it takes is one trip to the emergency room to put you in dire straights. Or one mammogram & biopsy, as were both my cases.

The emergency room was last year. I had never been to one, EVER, but last summer I got suddendly ill (like it came on in minutes) that had me uncontrollably vomiting & unable to stop. At the point that I was foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog,  I finally called my old housemate, who’s husband rushed me to the emergency room. Twelve hours, 2 IV’s, a diagnosis of “well it could be virus,” and $3000 later, I was sent home & on my way. I didn’t qualify for assistance – I make to much money they said (I guess you need to be at poverty level), so I went on a payment plan, which I’m still paying on.

Fast forward to last month. Regular mammogram – found a lump – wasn’t alarmed since I’ve had them before – but they wanted to ultrasound & biopsy. “Sure, have at it,” I said.

I got one of the insurance bills last week. It was around $450 after their “discounts.” I wasn’t happy but I could live with it. I got a bill on Monday from the hospital of charges they’re sending my insurance….$4100! Really? To shove a needle in my boob? The $450 was just the doctor part..I have not idea where I’ll be at the end of this.

When you buy your own health insurance, your not really buying insurance – you’re buying a discount. And a shitty one at that.They may pay 100% after your deductible (ridiculously high), but it’s 100% of what they “think” they should pay – not what’s being billed. And what they “think” is usually nowhere near what you’re billed.

Now this isn’t a rant about whether or not we should have socialized healthcare in the country, because let me tell you, I’ve traveled abroad & that system’s got it’s issues too. But there is something seriously jacked-up when it comes to your doctor’s bill & your insurance and they start playing “Let’s Make a Deal,”    and your left with the pieces.

Crap! But what to do? You have to have it or at least I do, because I’m a “cover my ass,” kinda gal…and right now I feel like they have me by mine. At least the “girls” (boobs) are fine.


P.S. I’ll be back to my normal self tomorrow…oh – did I tell you I need a root canal?


Involuntary Botox

When I was 32, I was driving down south for work & heard a ringing in my ear and had a slight earache. I didn’t think much of it. All was good as I got to my hotel room, but the next morning something odd happened. Something was off. My mouth was doing this weird “Elvis” thing when I tried to press my lips together. “Had my lips always done that & I just didn’t notice before?” I felt fine & wasn’t to alarmed but decided to cut my work trip short and go see my doctor. I remember joking with the receptionist as I was calling for the appointment because I didn’t know how to describe my symptoms. “Uhm – my mouth is doing this funny thing when I press my lips together? Heck – I don’t know. Put down Funky mouth.”

As I was driving back, my face started to feel weird & my right eye kept on watering. My doctor wasn’t in so I saw someone else. She did a “real quick” check of my reflexes, looked at my face and said, “Yep – Bell’s Palsy.” I immediately started crying…

I knew exactly what Bell’s Palsy was. When I was younger, I remember on of the DJ’s at the club I use to go to had it. The poor guy looked like a stroke victim. Christ -“Is that what I have to look forward to?”

She advised me that we were in good shape because we caught it within the first 24 hours and started meds immediately. The quicker you catch it, the better your odds of full recovery. The right side of my face was getting more and more numb by the minute. I told her to remind me of what this feels like if I ever want to get botox in the future.

I went home & did the regiment. Tape eye shut at night to prevent over drying & I diligently rubbed my mom’s homemade “goo,” on the right side of my face. Her German background & love for all herbs & teas, gave her the gift of making these wonderful concoctions. Those first couple of days I would look in the mirror & just cry, wondering if my face would ever go back to normal. After about 3 weeks the swelling was down and I was at about 90%. I felt much better knowing that I wasn’t doomed to a life of looking like the female, “Stalone,” but I never regained 100%.

Most people can’t see it. It mostly comes out when I’m really tired or sometimes in pictures, but that’s ok because my left eye was a bit lazy- so as far as I’m concerned it evened everything out. In my late 30’s I started to notice that the left side of my face had less, lines. I’m blessed with some good genes so I don’t have a ton of wrinkles, but I can see gravity starting to take things down. I remember thinking, “Damn – this is the longest lasting botox ever!”

At 43, I can feel the muscles weaker on the right side, so at night when I’m watching TV, I take my “sleeping eye mask,” and cover the “left side” of my face. Hopefully training the muscles on the “right,” to work better. I know doctors can inject the left side with “actual botox,” and even my face out, but I already know what it’s like to have your face paralyzed, so I’ll take a pass.

Now if you want to cut-it & pull it back in a couple of years…I got no problem with that.




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