Sometimes I wish I could drink like a sailor

Not to make light of those who suffer from the affliction of alcoholism, but I tell ya, life would be much easier if I had the ability to booze it up all the time. Coming home from work, drinking a Gin & Tonic or some other drink glamorized in movie’s from the 1950’s. “Had a rough day sweetie?”  Just drink it into oblivion! But the Gods didn’t bless/curse me with those genes.

One of my girlfriend’s (Red, obviously a ginger) she’s got the genes! That girl can tie one on & you would never know. Corporate ass-kicker, jet-setter, hipster & boozer all-in-one. Then she can never touch the stuff for months – even years! I can’t say I don’t envy her just a little. She needs to donate her body to science just so we can see what awesome enzyme she’s got going on in that liver. But me, one wild night & I’m kissing the porcelain god. It’s kinda lame but the upside is I’m a cheap date.

For me, I can forget about the hard stuff & beer just makes you fart. Red Wine stains my teeth & gives me a migraine, so I’m left with all the white stuff. That’s right, White Wine, Champagne or any other form of it (Cava, Prosecco). And not just any white wine. It’s gotta be a Pinot Gris or Sauvage Blanc. No Chardonnay please (it’s not 2 in the afternoon, I don’t own a toy poodle & I’m not wearing a housecoat). Only the above mentioned are safe. Anything else will induce at least 2 days worth of misery.

Why am I telling you this? Oh – yeah, today was that kinda day. Well, not really…it’s just much more dramatic to tell you I had a rough day. In fact it was pretty much a normal Tuesday…still wish I could drink like a sailor.

Kate

(photo: Happy Hour Friday: Italian Soda Pop set design http://www.klad.com)

The Sun Always Shines on TV…

..but not here in the Northwest. And you know what? Shhhhh – don’t tell anyone but that’s ok with me.

We here in our part of the land like to bitch about the weather. It’s either to hot, to cold, to rainy, to whatever. We like it at between 68-74 degrees. Some a little hotter – some a little cooler, but that’s about the range we like it. Anything hotter makes my boobs sweat, which in return makes them itch & let’s face it – that’s just not a good look.

I’ve always loved the dark (maybe I’m part vampire?). In the dark all things magical can happen from blowout parties, to moonlit walks on the beach. You revel in time spent alone & sexy times with a friend – all to me much better in the dark. Sure I like to come out of my cave every once in awhile but given the option of sunlight all the time or darkness – I’d go with the night. Hell you can buy sunlamps if you need a boost of happy.

All that being said, I’m pretty sure I lack in the crucial vitamin D we all need, but hey – that’s what supplements are for…

Kate

(photo from Teddy Newton’s short for Pixar –  Night & Day)

Farewell my friend…

Last night a beloved dear friend of all middle-agers who grew up in the Pacific Northwest, passed away. Julius Pierpont Patches aka J.P Patches (Chris Wedes) was an important figure in my childhood. Every morning I remember getting up at the crack of dawn to see what J.P. & his friends were up to in the city dump. Yes, that was where he lived & resided as the, “Mayor of the City Dump.”

The details are a bit sketchy as I go back to my 5 year old mind. All I remember is this: he lived in a shack, had a sidekick/girlfriend named Gertrude (who was clearly a dude -played by Bob Newman) & he made me laugh & smile. The show was mainly unscripted & there was A LOT of laughing & shenanigans going on.  Now – I didn’t like clowns. They freaked me out long before that demonic doll on Poltergeist but J.P. was different. Kind & giving, he made you want to hang-out at the dump. I even remember thinking maybe I’d get a glimpse of him if I went with my dad there! Alas, that never happened but I kept on wishing one of these days I’m going to catch that clown in his natural habitat.

“The J.P. Patches Show,” ran from 1958 to 1981. By the time I was 8 or 9 – J.P was abandoned for stuff like, “Star Blazers,” whose theme song I can still sing this day. My love for J.P & his cross-dressing girlfriend never faltered. It was just time to move from the city dump to Japanese anime & having crushes on cartoon characters.

So to you my old friend, Julius Pierpont Patches, may you rest in peace in that beautiful City Dump in the sky…

Kate

(photo Seattle P.I.)

 

Where to begin?

Helen Mirren

I guess I’ll start with the name. I’ve been wanting to write a blog for a long time but wasn’t really sure what avenue to take or a name. Mostly because when it comes to talking about myself, my brain’s vast land of scatteredness & random thoughts.  Oh btw – you’ll read lots of words that will probably make your “spellcheck,” explode because they don’t exist in the English Language – go with it.  As for grammar, I usually skipped that class, mostly because I couldn’t deal with my, “oversexed, hippie English teacher that forgot to wash that grey outta her hair.” So I say, “Let the periods, comma’s & paragraphs fall where they may!”

Anyway, where was I? Oh – the name (see scatteredness)!  Thinking, thinking, thinking – no sleep (I’m a total insomniac), then I woke-up one morning and was like, “God, I feel like somebody slipped me a Mickey…(then looking at myself in the mirror) and I woke up middle-aged!” How the hell did that happen? I looked around for my husband & kids, like a bear looking for her cubs. Then I remembered – I forgot to have them! Where’s my fancy car? McMansion in the suburbs? Aren’t I suppose be taking the kids to soccer practice. Crap – that’s right – forgot to have them!

Warning: This Blog will be completely random! 

You’ll hear about pop culture, past relationships (majority vastly funny), random thoughts & the everyday mundane. Basically it’s a forum to examine where I’ve been, where I’m at, where I’m going & mostly not to forget. That happen’s with age ya know.

My thoughts? Hmmm, the best is yet to come. I remember seeing an interview with Helen Mirren talking about seeing a hand reader & he said,'”You will be successful in life, but you will see your greatest success later, after the age of forty-five.” And I thought, “Christ – that’s me.” I think I was somewhere in my mid to late 30’s.

Sure as shit – that looks like what’s happening. My own astrologer (that’s right – I got one of those!) told me a few years ago, “Your life will be very different by the time your 45. You’ll have the things you want.” At which my reply was, “Forty-fucking Five! (not kidding – you can hear it on the tape) You gotta be fricken kidding me!”

So as that age quickly approaches (I’ve got another year & a half),we’ll see if my astrologer was right. Which way will I turn – left or right? Only time will tell…btw – that bitch better be right 😉

Kate

MargaretNapier / Free Photos

Photo Dame Helen Mirren opening introduction and welcome to Hollywood Bowl 2011

Quote from Helen Mirren’s book, “In the Frame: My Life in Words & Pictures” – link above.

Today’s the Day!

Today’s the day I tell the world my trials, tribulations & how the hell I got her. I’m totally convinced, “Somebody Slipped Me a Mickey and I woke-up Middle-aged.”

I, like Donna Nobel in Doctor’s Who’s episode, “Turn Left,” have made many “right turns,” instead of left. Usually through my own accord. I wonder how Kate’s doing in that alternate universe?

Oh – by the way – my name may or may not be Kate. I may or may not live in the Pacific Northwest. I am always looking for something that will make me laugh, smile or a new adventure. In essence, I guess I’m looking for the Doctor 😉

More to come….

Kate

photo from Dr. Who Episode, “Turn Left“